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Women and Bad Boys: What Is The Attraction?
"Bad Boys". If you're a woman, you may be saying "hmmm" as you hear these words. You know you shouldn't, but you just can't help yourself. There is just SOMETHING about these guys that draws you in, even as your head tells you to "beware"! So, what exactly is the attraction? It's not necessarily that they are more physically attractive or smarter or more successful than the "nice guys". In fact, they can have fewer of these qualities, yet be harder to resist. So what is it? Let's begin by defining these guys. This term is generally applied to males who treat women poorly. Do these behaviors ring a bell? *calling at 8:30 on a Saturday night to ask if you want to get together *not showing up for a date- followed by no phone call or apology *never having any money when you are out * forgetting or ignoring your birthday and other important dates *flirting openly with other women when you are together *hitting on your good friend(s) *making booty calls at 1am, after they've had a night out with others *is doing time for a serious felony Instead of asking "what is it about these guys"; let's instead examine what it is about the women who can't resist them. The following are actual statements from women who have a history of attraction to these guys. See if any of these sound familiar. * "It's never BORING with him. He's unpredictable and exciting." * "He's strong, aggressive and self-assured; I feel safe with him." * "It's not his fault; he's trying to get his life together." * "I haven't met anyone else that makes me feel the way he does." * "He's so charming and passionate." * "He tells me how much he likes me, so he must really feel something for me." * "He needs me." * "He doesn't come across as needy and desperate." * "I can't believe I've attracted someone like him." Now, on the face of these, they seem pretty benign. We all seek at least some of these traits in the men we choose. So, where's the problem? Essentially it's in his inability to meet the woman's fundamental needs. She is the one doing all (or most) of the giving. The question then lies in; "what's in it for her?" The answer can be found by exploring three basic issues: *level of self-esteem *capacity for intimacy *roles that she has been in throughout her life If a woman feels good about herself, she chooses a mate who communicates both verbally and non-verbally to her that she is valued and respected. She won't allow this other person to undermine her positive self-worth. She believes in her ability to participate in a healthy, reciprocal relationship. If she doesn't feel good about herself, she chooses someone who reinforces her negative self-beliefs. If a woman is capable of true intimacy, she is open to the true availability of the other person. She wants him to be a full and active participant in the relationship. She can allow herself to be open, vulnerable and able to take as well as to receive all that true intimacy offers. If intimacy is difficult, she choose someone who is distant, hard to connect with and not emotionally and/or physically available. If a woman has had a healthy role in her relationships since childhood, she will choose someone with whom she can continue this healthy interaction. If a woman has been too long in the role of rescuer, caregiver or the one who sacrifices for the good of others, this will probably be the role she will seek out in her relationships. Fortunately, most women fall somewhere in between on these issues. So the task is to evaluate yourself in each area and decide on a course of action that will help you to choose a "nice guy", who stirs your senses and meets your needs while being truly available for a real relationship. Begin with an assessment of what you value most in life and cannot live without. Go to http://www.consum-mate.com/newslets/02oct.htm for an article on "clarifying and living your values". Once you know what is most important to you and believe that you are worthy of achieving it, you will have taken a giant step towards finding the right partner for you. Toni Coleman, MSW is a licensed psychotherapist and relationship coach with over 20 years of experience. As a recognized expert, Toni has been quoted in many local and national publications including: The Chicago Tribune and The Orlando Sentinel newspapers and Family Circle, Woman's Day, and Star magazines. She has been featured on ABC News; Discovery Health Channel and AOL Online. As a weekly contributing commentator on the KTRS Radio Morning Show, (St. Louis, MO), Toni offers dating tips and relationship advice in response to listener feedback. Toni founded Consum-mate.com in 2002 to offer singles the knowledge and tools they need to find and sustain healthy, lasting love relationships. She is a member of The International Coach Federation, and The International Association Of Coaches.
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Millionaire Mindset: We Become What We Think About In studying wealth, we learn the power of using our mind to attract either success or failure. By visualizing what we want to happen - or conversely what we fear will happen - we employ a mental magnet that helps to manifest our thoughts. What is Intution and How do I use it? Intuition is an incredible resource and gift that we have been given to help us live our best life. Unfortunately, not many people know what it is or how to use it. Coping As A Caregiver Few people are prepared for the responsibilities and tasks involved in caring for loved ones who are ill, elderly, or disabled. The success of the relationship between you and your loved one depends on several factors. How to Get Rich Got your attention, didn't I? I figured that title would get you to sit up in your chair and take notice. How to get rich? Hmmmm, let's take a second and think about how nice and wonderful it would feel to "be rich. Do You Have What It Takes To Attract What You Want? When you were a kid, did you play with magnets? They were almost magical, weren't they? It was always exhilarating to bring the magnet close to another object and to begin to feel that slight pulling sensation followed by the--snap--as the magnet and the other object became one. And, equally, it was always a little disappointing when the magnet didn't stick to the hoped-for object of attraction. The Manifestations Of Self A man is captive within himself. He dwells in a freedom which is confirmed to bounds, he breathes in an ambience ensnared to limits, he nurtures a shriveled valiance with the quaint promises of trepidation, he is infinite to his content and eternal only to his perception. Ego or Higher Self: Whos Behind Your Decisions? When you make a decision, you hope it is ultimately one that supports your highest interests and that leads you toward greater joy, so it is important to consider what part of you is offering you your options, so you can make your choice based on sound advice and come to a conclusion that takes you in the direction you want to go! There are two primary sources of input in any such decision-making process: your "Higher Self" and your ego.Your Higher Self operates from the place of all knowing, because it is perfectly interfaced with Source, the font of wisdom and repository of all knowledge. Lottery Winners Lose It All You have heard it time and again. Lottery Winners lose it all and trust fund babies waste their parent's hard earned cash. The Competition Fallacy So many people falsely think that if they help another, they are helping the competition. This scarcity perspective breeds greed and insecurity; ultimately, people who hold it will realize that had they not been helped at certain times, they would not have had the opportunity to be where they are today. 4 Important Conversation Tips for Your Personal and Professional Lives If you are searching for a way to improve your communication skills at work and in your personal life, here are some conversation tips that will give you a good starting point.Your personal and business environments may be very different, but the skills needed to communicate effectively are basically the same. Invisible Braces, Viable Solutions Invisible braces, like Invisalign, are most popular among adults. For children and young teens, having traditional braces cemented to their teeth is almost a rite of passage. Buying the Myth So much life conditioning inhibits the brilliance that is in you. Are you accessing all that is available to you? As a brilliant coach, as a brilliant human-being, as a brilliant spiritual being, as a bright light in the world, you have access to so much abundance. To Live Or To Live With Purpose: That's The Ultimate Question Each person has her or his own place and purpose. We all possess unique talents and unique ways of expressing them. The Big Secret "Within you is the power to change your life"Lately I've been doing a lot of radio interviews promoting the release of my new book, Handbook to a Happier Life. During several interviews the host remarked that "Handbook" is a pretty simple book. Are You Irresistibly Attractive? If you've done any reading on the subject of marketing, you've certainly heard the term "Unique Selling Proposition" or "USP."As a reminder, your USP is what positions you in the marketplace --- are you, or what you sell, the best, the cheapest, the fastest, the easiest, the longest lasting, the most reliable, the most prestigious? Your USP is what makes you distinct from your competitors, but it's often the thing first-time business owners don't fully understand. 7 Steps To Having More Energy 1. Get enough sleep. Talk Your Way to Financial Freedom Feeling trapped by lack of funds? We can learn from those who live comfortably and retire early. They use language differently from those who are stuck in a scarcity process. Be The Chooser "We choose our joys and sorrows long before we experience them." -- Khalil GibranOur life works and can be full of joy when we make effective choices. Purpose of Choice Tornadic weather threatens southeastern Colorado and life on the plains takes a turn again. Interestingly enough, books are written, movies are made, and life happens while the winds blow and the rains fall. How To Become Insane Somebody once said that insanity is doing the same thing over and over while expecting a different result. Optimal mental health, then, may include adapting your approach if you don't get the result you want.
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